How Van Gogh Helped Me Find Beauty in Grief

Most of the time, when I start a painting, I have an aspect of our emotions in mind, an animal or both. This time though, things were a little different. There was no deeper thinking going into it ahead of time as to the message it would portray, rather, it was more of a life raft in the middle of a grief-filled ocean.

I started this piece three weeks after my mother passed away unexpectedly. I was devastated and just wanted an excuse to put paint to canvas. Painting takes me to a relaxing place like nothing else and that feeling was something I needed. I was her caregiver for the past few years and as such, we navigated life together as a team. She helped me just as much as I helped her, and it’s been odd to make decisions without her. The rest of my family feels the same way. We all used to call on her for advice anytime we were faced with a life decision whether it be big or small. Not having her as our compass has been quite an adjustment.

After she passed, I stayed with my best friend, Sabrina, in North Carolina for a month. Due to the hectic and sudden events before her passing, as well as being my mother’s caregiver for so long, I needed to get away and have a chance to breathe.

Van Gogh: Immersive Experience

It was the month of June and we had just gone to see the Van Gogh: The Immersive Experience exhibit. This isn’t sponsored or anything but if you haven’t gone to one of their locations, I highly recommend it. They display his work in new ways and explain his life story as well as how his life influenced his paintings.

Through the exhibit, we learned that during Van Gogh’s life, he suffered from poor mental health, including schizophrenia and epilepsy. While he captured the beauty of nature throughout many of his paintings of flowers and landscapes, he also produced many works that managed to show the struggles he endured with his mental health. His paintings helped him look at the light and beauty of life as well as explore his darker, heavier emotions. As I walked through the exhibit, I couldn’t help but relate to him because that’s a big part of my own art as well as this blog. Once I started experimenting and figuring out what my painting style would be, it quickly became apparent that using animals and nature to help me make sense of my life and emotions was going to be a big part of it.

Paintings of Our Own!

Needless to say, we left there quite inspired. On our way home, we stopped at the grocery store, and on display were some rainbow, multi-colored roses to celebrate Pride Month. We bought some, deciding to try our hand at a vase of roses as Van Gogh did so beautifully. I worked on my piece during my stay and eventually brought it home unfinished.

Once I got home, it sat in my pile of other works in progress, and I ended up forgetting about it until my mother’s birthday came up. As her birthday of October 21^st approached, I found myself missing her, and I happened to look over to see the rose painting sitting prominently in the front of my ‘work-in-progress’ pile. It seemed like the perfect time to bring it back out again and get it finished.

Listening to Van Gogh’s Lessons

As I started working, I scrolled through the pictures I took while exploring the Van Gogh exhibit and I was reminded of a particular part of his life. According to Van Gogh: The Immersive Experience, Van Gogh asked to be committed to an asylum after experiencing hallucinations on May 8^th, 1889. In the span of one year, he created 150 paintings as well as almost 100 drawings. In what would have been one of the darkest times in his life, he sought to paint the light around him. Even after periods of deep psychosis, he sought to paint the flowerbeds in the asylum’s gardens as well as the countryside that surrounded the facility. His famous painting, “The Starry Night” was completed during his stay there.

As I reflected on this, it made me realize that there can be beauty in the darkest, saddest of times if we only take the time to look for it.  For me, as I navigated my mother’s birthday for the first time without her, it wasn’t just finishing my rose painting. I also made her favorite cake and shared it with the rest of the family. We all also took the time to share some of our favorite memories with her. We had some laughs in the process and felt better. Every time Van Gogh came out of one of his episodes of psychosis, he was fully lucid. I’m sure he experienced many emotions after coming out of each episode. He very well could have let himself feel down, depressed, and steeped in self-pity, and perhaps he did, but he never let that stop him from seeking the beauty around him.

The Takeaway

So, no matter what sad or dark time you may be going through, try to find some beauty in your life.  Maybe for you it’s calling and sharing some laughs with friends or watching some funny videos. It could be going for a walk, going to a fun festival or event nearby, or doing something you enjoy. Whatever that looks like for you, I encourage you to seek out the good amidst the bad because although it’s important to fully process our emotions and work through them, it’s also important that we find ways to enjoy life.

“The Fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm is terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.”

Vincent Van Gogh

If you like this print, you can purchase prints, mugs and more in my store here!

Sources:

Van Gogh Exhibition: The Immersive Experience (vangoghexpo.com)